#SpeakToHer: Community
I’m not typically one for quotes or word inspo, but the proverb If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. is a perfect way to describe what having a community is about. Yes, there are a number of things that we can do by ourselves. I, for one, am a person who often goes on adventures alone. But, the older I got, the more I realized that life is actually much more enjoyable with another person. I'm not talking specifically about a romantic relationship. I'm talking about a person or people who understand you without you having to translate your heart or thought processes every second of everyday. That is your community. Oftentimes that understanding comes from a common background or experience. When we see ourselves in another person, we gravitate to them.
Community is based on commonality. Whether that be the physical area that a group of people live in or other shared attributes (physical, cultural, experiential, etc.). We come together because being around likeminded people gives us a feeling of comfort. So why is community a highlight of the #SpeakToHer series? I want to drive home the necessity of not just getting in the habit of telling ourselves what we need to hear, but also know that as we traverse the highs and lows of our lives, there should always be a core of people we can celebrate with and can be restored in.
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. ”
This week, I spoke to Dr. Tabitha Lowry. Yes. The WHOLE name. Respect it. Tab recently graduated and has moved to the Bay Area for a residency with a focus in women's health. Beyond this great accomplishment, Tab has a joyful personality that is simply magnetic. Who she is anywhere, is who she is everywhere. Her authenticity carries through whether she's in a big crowd and in smaller circles. She has also mastered the art of building symbiotic relationships with the communities she is a part of. Essentially, she is the perfect person to speak on the topic of community.
There are many layers to what people seek in communities. There are various groups that we gather in to fulfill something that we need. So when I asked Tab what community looked like to her, I got so many answers that spoke to me personally.
"Community looks like being surrounded by young, Black professionals who are trying to navigate this world and figure it out. All while reaching back to make sure that we're pulling up those who may not be where we are just yet.
"It looks like mentorship.
"It looks like being a mentee because we don’t know it all. Often times when we get to certain positions folks think that we no longer need assistance. That’s so far from the truth.
"It looks like fighting off imposter syndrome. When I surround myself by those who can uplift me and I can uplift them, it quiets that doubt in my head that I'm not supposed to be there, or that I'm not qualified to be here"
What more could be said? The communities you are a part of should reflect who you are or who you aspire to be. Maybe you just need that extra push to hone the skillset you seek. When you show up to a space, virtually or physically, you come with a purpose. However, Tab also mentions that you cannot come into a group and simply make withdrawals. "Community looks like support all around. It's give and take." Even with her move to the Bay, Tab asked herself, "where do I need to be, who do I need to be with and who can I serve?" This is something that she says she does in every new move or endeavor. How can she feed as she is being fed. Balance.
“When I surround myself by those who can uplift me and I can uplift them, it quiets that doubt in my head that I’m not supposed to be there, or that I’m not qualified to be here”
Tab became a doctor for a reason. She knew that when she went to study healthcare, that she wanted to go into women's health because of the disparities that women, specifically Black women, face in the healthcare system. In our conversation she mentioned something that I think is very important to note as we continue to make active strides in our various roles. "There isn't an issue in saying that you want to serve people who look like me." She continued, "My priority is serving Black women because that is where the need is. There are facts behind that." Though she will never discriminate against who she is serving, she understands that the place she needs to be in order to have the greatest personal and systemic impact is to serve the people in her community. This push stems beyond the actual work that she does.
The day before we spoke, she volunteered as a mentor for high school students. One of the girls in the group told her that she wanted to be a doctor, but that she was considering being a nurse instead. "Why? Who told you that you couldn't be a doctor?" The answer was no one. Tab called the girl Dr. M. and had the rest of the students call her Dr. M. The impact of that simple act exemplifies what the other side of community is. It is about not just giving, but empowering the people within the group to take up space and claim what they want for their lives. The sustainability of the group depends on the ability to feed into itself and grow from that sustenance.
Lastly, I asked her how do you build a community? The answer was centered on the idea of authenticity. "Come in being you. [Because] we essentially interview people for friendship and mentorship. So, you have to present your best self, but you also have to state your weaknesses." Being who you are will attract the people who you need in your life at that time. Being anything other than that can lead to missed opportunities to grow or leave you exhausted keeping up with a false persona. Knowing who you are and "just [being] who you say you are," will put you in a position to be in the places you need to be.
“Come in being you.”
So who are you and how will you build, grow and sustain your community?
Questions I have been asking myself lately.
E.