#SpeakToHer: Spiritual Wellness
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God.
Philippians 4:6
This entire week, I have been sitting down sporadically trying to write this piece that would represent my perspective on what spiritual wellness looks and feels like. I wrote. Then stared at what I wrote on the post it or the notes app or in the corner of my work notebook next to my ongoing list of non-intuitive acronyms. Then, by the next time I was able to sit back down, my mind had completely switched, twisted and become a new kind of dreamscape. Though my brain often swirls around different ideas and concepts and picks up bits and pieces almost all the time, this week it has been abnormally "whimsical". I have been navigating the past couple of days with fairly high anxiety levels. I've been searching for a new place to call home, so most of my waking hours have been preoccupied with worry. Worry that I would have to settle for another space that would give me the promise of home, then slowly become just shelter.
So as I attempted to wrangle up all of my musings and turn one of them into a foundation to lead my thoughts on this topic, I fell short. But we all fall short, right? That’s the nature of our humanity.
It took me all the way until a conversation I had with an old friend Thursday night to realize that this week is my testimony for the importance of the practice of spiritual wellness. She texted me a prayer for my home search journey and the relief that had been eluding me all week, had finally settled into my heart. As I grappled with the need to get a grip on my inner worries before they spiraled into a full blown anxiety attack, I kept Philippians 4:6 replaying in my head. "Do not be anxious for anything," and if I may paraphrase the second part of it, "because God got you." I had to repeat this several times in order for me to loosen the fist I hadn't realized I had formed, remember to breathe and be able to hear the world around me again.
When I began to write this week, I had the mindset that I could effortlessly speak on any part of my spiritual journey. I had reassured myself of the growth I have had over the past year alone and KNEW it wouldn't take too long to write. That’s the nature of most new endeavors though. Wistful optimism. I was certain that this was going to be an ode to the E I had become through my own faith walk.
“I knew that this would end up being a love letter to myself.
”
So I started to write:
I knew that this would end up being a love letter to myself. I have written so, so many. I know what it feels like when I bring my heart and mind together to meet and make sense of each other.
But what does a love letter look like from a long time lover and friend and confidant? No longer focused on the novelty of the other. No longer anticipating a new first...
…
I walked away and came back. I had thought about it. There should always be something new to learn about the person you would write a love letter to. So I continued:
If you were to look in the mirror and ask yourself how much of God you saw reflected back to yourself, would you…
Could you…
…recognize the truths you have been too preoccupied with worry to acknowledge?
…
I woke up early one day and decided to go to the gym because, what else am I supposed to do now that it's 4:37AM and I am most likely not going back to sleep? Listening to gospel during my post cardio stretch. Straightening my back and reaching past my toes and realizing that meditation does not always sound like "Om." Sometimes it sounds like:
Breathe.
Come and breathe on us
Spirit breathe
Spirit breathe on us
I remembered to inhale deeply through each extension my body made. I was present.
…
My coworker's dog got really sick over the weekend. She was exhausted from taking care of her pup overnight and did not know what the vet would say when she went to pick her up later that day.
I hugged her tighter. We exhaled together in that embrace.
…
My mother's sweet reassurances. My father's stern but loving advice. I know that when I was chosen to be their child, my soul had found it's home. So when they spoke to me, I knew that their prayers for me to find my home had already been lifted.
…
So, how does one exercise their spiritual wellness?
She can:
Pray.
Meditate.
Love on someone who needs it.
Speak to someone who loves her.
Acknowledge all the signs around her.
Remember to breathe through the tough times.
Keep scripture or a mantra memorized for those days when all she can manage to do is repeat it until she comes back to herself.
This has been a tough week, but it's okay because God got me.
E.